I have been working out twice a day Tuesday through Friday. Believe it or not it feels like I watch a lot more TV. I watch shows while I work… I know it is not the best way to mentally focus on growth or to feel cool, but it is a two birds with one stone kind of thing. Which is why I haven’t been writing here at all.
But that is not the only reason.
No, it is just an excuse.
My attention to what is happening in the world, my personal life, and the future is an emotional roller coaster. The reality that people don’t consider something past their first emotional reaction makes it hard for me to ignore what is going on in the world.
I bought eight books yesterday. I own thousands of books. I have listened to hundreds. I like to learn, I like it when I think, I love to be distracted. Most people want to be informed what to think and like to be distracted.
Instead of writing, I just continue watching whatever series I have been watching from my morning routine. So productive. Not really, one of the reasons I read, is I like to write. I like to have a full tank of information and to be able to put thoughts together. I enjoy my communication style- which makes it easy for me to sit here and just pour out whatever is in this head of mine sloshing around. I couldn’t tell you why I have a compulsion to write. I didn’t start writing, really writing until I was thirty-three. It took me years to figure out most of the proper punctuation and spelling. I still use a writing assistance extension on my browser to write these posts. That is why they are 90% readable. But if I look back writing is something I have always wanted to do. And I think it is because it has so much to do with thinking.
I fucking love it. Really thinking is a rare treat. Coming across something that makes you feel your brain work, goddamn it, one of the best feelings ever.
I think it is time I define what I am doing here. Stop fucking around and just focus on what we are trying to accomplish. Which is… O’ that is right, we aren’t. There is no end run for this blog. There is no stopping point. It dies when I do or I decide it stops. Which I have contemplated a lot over the last two weeks. Shut the whole fucking thing down, make it a website, and maybe a newsletter.
I have a strange set of beliefs about life. They didn’t come on their own, it is living mosaic that grows. Those get expressed in this blog. They get a public place to live. In my day to day conversations thinking on a deeper level doesn’t happen. Most people just regurgitate what they heard and act as if they really put thought into what comes out of their mouths. They are like children who parrot their parents opinions. They defer to people they believe.
I want you to think. I want you to follow my reasoning and think. Compare it to reality, to imagined scenarios. Compare it to others thoughts, to argue it, and then leave it, abandon it to see if it follows you home. If it does the damn thing is alive and wants to live with you. Like lake water, it becomes a part of whoever drinks it.
All of this is because I have a compulsion to write.
I feel more complete when I do.
Sometimes I look at all the writing I have done and say what is the point. I don’t remember writing any of it. But just as I wake up and drink coffee and eat breakfast, I think I write to stay alive.
Later Gator 🐊