I was listening to the Tao of Allowing yesterday, and the author had said something that made me stop listening. I just paused the book and went about my day and thought about.
I am sure this is the second time I am listening to the book. It happened the first time too. What struck me was the truism of it. I will get to what he said, but I want you to understand- just because someone says something it doesn’t automatically make it true. A lot of religious leaders, politicians, and self-help people say really nice things that sound true and aren’t. For instance anything I write here is generally just to help you build a positive mind set. Your brain doesn’t need everything to be factual, but enough realism to get you imagining a better future that you believe you can take positive action on. Feelings are more important than logic, logic is subjective. We make sense of what we want to believe.
What said in this book was something like this: You are told your whole life to behave in a certain way to fit into the tribe, without the tribe we die, fitting in is survival. But to fit in we have to stop being our most authentic self and conform, smooth out our edges. WE must fit our square self into a round hole. But to be our most authentic self, we must let go of others standards and be ourselves. But when we take up self help programs we are telling ourselves we are not okay and it is not safe to just be us. It is not okay to just be. We have to conform to this or that standard to succeed. We become a danger to our inner most self.
Something like that.
Now, when I first heard this I wrote down an affirmation: I am safest being myself.
Here is the thing, being free to be you means you are free to do life your way. You don’t have to wake up early in the morning to be a success. You don’t have to master seven habits. You don’t have to understand ten principles or become a saint. You have to accept yourself, your strengths, and weaknesses and figure out what makes you come alive. Figure out what challenges you want to take on; not because you have to but because your soul longs to live and move from a dream state of it could be to I am doing it.
The danger in self-help is simply the danger of being the sole judge and jury condemning the beautiful soul that is you. That condemnation is to die in darkness for the singular pursuit of someone else’s standard of who you should be. Life is too short and simple for you to be miserable and failing at living someone else’s dream life. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and talk to yourself. Say something like, “Hey buddy, sorry I have shit on you so much. I didn’t know you hated doing these things, I just thought we sucked. What do you want to do? What do you dream of? What do you consider fun? What are you interested in? What makes you feel alive? What would you like to try? Is there anything you would like to learn? Do we need to make new friends that share our interest? Oh don’t worry, you are great and people will like you, I sure do.” Say some crazy shit like that in front of others. It will be fine, I do it all the time. Just commit to figuring out how safe it is to be yourself.
Alright. I am out!