There Is A Danger In Self-Help

I was listening to the Tao of Allowing yesterday, and the author had said something that made me stop listening. I just paused the book and went about my day and thought about.

I am sure this is the second time I am listening to the book. It happened the first time too. What struck me was the truism of it. I will get to what he said, but I want you to understand- just because someone says something it doesn’t automatically make it true. A lot of religious leaders, politicians, and self-help people say really nice things that sound true and aren’t. For instance anything I write here is generally just to help you build a positive mind set. Your brain doesn’t need everything to be factual, but enough realism to get you imagining a better future that you believe you can take positive action on. Feelings are more important than logic, logic is subjective. We make sense of what we want to believe.

What said in this book was something like this: You are told your whole life to behave in a certain way to fit into the tribe, without the tribe we die, fitting in is survival. But to fit in we have to stop being our most authentic self and conform, smooth out our edges. WE must fit our square self into a round hole. But to be our most authentic self, we must let go of others standards and be ourselves. But when we take up self help programs we are telling ourselves we are not okay and it is not safe to just be us. It is not okay to just be. We have to conform to this or that standard to succeed. We become a danger to our inner most self.

Something like that.

Now, when I first heard this I wrote down an affirmation: I am safest being myself.

Here is the thing, being free to be you means you are free to do life your way. You don’t have to wake up early in the morning to be a success. You don’t have to master seven habits. You don’t have to understand ten principles or become a saint. You have to accept yourself, your strengths, and weaknesses and figure out what makes you come alive. Figure out what challenges you want to take on; not because you have to but because your soul longs to live and move from a dream state of it could be to I am doing it.

The danger in self-help is simply the danger of being the sole judge and jury condemning the beautiful soul that is you. That condemnation is to die in darkness for the singular pursuit of someone else’s standard of who you should be. Life is too short and simple for you to be miserable and failing at living someone else’s dream life. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and talk to yourself. Say something like, “Hey buddy, sorry I have shit on you so much. I didn’t know you hated doing these things, I just thought we sucked. What do you want to do? What do you dream of? What do you consider fun? What are you interested in? What makes you feel alive? What would you like to try? Is there anything you would like to learn? Do we need to make new friends that share our interest? Oh don’t worry, you are great and people will like you, I sure do.” Say some crazy shit like that in front of others. It will be fine, I do it all the time. Just commit to figuring out how safe it is to be yourself.

Alright. I am out!

Later Gator,

Nino.

Change Is Only Natural When You Try

There is an outcome when we achieve a goal. In sports and life, we did something, we put something on the board that will change or challenge what looks like the inevitable outcome of the game.

In sports one person with talent and tenacity could be the soul game changer, but the truth is on a team everyone counts. A hole in the defense leads to opportunities for the opposing team. The smallest change of attitude could cost the team a game. In life, one bad day could set a week’s worth of effort back on a diet.

But here is the thing, when you try in life- shit changes! Your brain without you knowing it will gauge the feedback. Depending on your attitude, not the outcome, you will either try again or quit. If you try, if you get determined, you will see a change in you and the outcome. Either way trying just trying will have a butterfly effect on your life. If you quit, you will think that is a good enough solution. If you keep putting the effort in you will learn what works and what doesn’t (multiple solutions). Trying simply brings change inside and out.

I want to be fair, change is always a challenge. And by their nature challenges aren’t meant to be easy. Not to say they are the hardest thing in the world some are just uncomfortable. But they do come and they test your resolve. Things do change though, for better or worst, they change. When you try- when you try- that is when you must accept change. And the hardest part for people to do is let go of what already is. Change that comes form effort to make a difference in an outcome will get rid of the old and it’s expectations. Trying alone will change what you think life is about and when you do, you cannot go back to what was normal.

I can feel my brain want to ramble. I have to stop. I’m running off of five interrupted hours of sleep. I woke up at 1:30 and totally thought it was time to get up and go to work. I am glad I took another look at the clock after I got up and before I left the door. Anyway, I totally started writing this post because I am going to play around with the blog. Truth be told I forgot why I started this post because the title took me in another direction. So yeah, I will be trying things here. I gotta go.

Later Gator,

Nino.

Monday Meditation on Adult Awareness

The difference between adults and children is the level of awareness.

Arrogance leads us to believe that adults are more aware than children. Oh, the bullshit we believe to feel superior. By late childhood we already assume we know what is in the world and what is going to happen. Ten years of being here is enough to say “I have seen some shit.” The human consciousness goes down hill from there and the ego is on a hot air balloon talking shit. We run on autopilot 80% of the time.

A child doesn’t know shit!

They are constantly aware. They are learning, watching, and unfortunately making wrong assumption about how life works. But the point remains they are walking awareness. If they knew how to detach themselves from what is going on they would be the zenest fucking thing to walk the planet. They are beginners mind. They see funny reality and giggle. They watch adults with curiosity and then emulate. They are fascinated with their bodies. They look in the mirror and without judgment love and play with their own faces. they enjoy the sand between their toes. They delight in the clouds and enjoy good food.

We can’t go all the way back to not knowing anything but we can shut up. We can become awareness. We can just experience life as it is. We can detach and let it be. We can just watch ourselves and each other. We can observe the world and just be grateful to be here and experience this life as is.

Oh, and I wrote this from my phone. Sorry for any mistakes.

Later Gator

Nino.